...and sometimes, you need the little things.

the things we give to others, no matter how small are always valuable if we give them because we really want to.

these are the gifts i wrapped for ranjita aunty- the piles and piles of things she brought for everyone here!!!

ART WALL

well, this is the inside of one door of my cupboard. its recently done and still incomplete but i like how it looks now and i want to have a memory of this... before i alter it into something else i like.
it consists mostly of artwork sent by other people...ATC's, altered postcards, linolen prints... the works.my favourite are the 3-D ATC's under these...which you can't see in the picture. :p lol

a wishlist:

a laptop
a more compact digi cam
craft/art magazines, always
STATIONERY!
mail!
currently, more kurtis
a healing earth tarot deck (can only fine rider-waite here)
CHOCOLATES! (without nuts :p)
flowers, always
anything you made yourself (ANYTHING!)
more laughter

...more to come!

ROOM WITH A VIEW

a small part of the view from my room window...this is the back garden.
what you can't see is the store room to the left and the alter to the left and the stone garden to the right and the veg patch to the left and the garage to the right and... well, what you can see really is a tiny bit...lol.
this is what i miss in bombay!!!!! Room 18 in college opens out into the canteen extension with the scary dark alley and the suicide note!

GORI

the true value of a portrait is in its ability to capture the life in the eyes of the subject.

GORI 2005

a bad print of the driveway at home, taken from the quaters next to the main gate.

PRETTY, cinquain

PRETTY, cinquain

wine warm

berry flush. heart

skips a quick beat. that soft

dimple surfaces. i giggle,

girlish.

...for those "feel good" days:)

smile....tomorrow will be worse.
(murphy's law)...morose, but it always makes me laugh. lol.

PRAYER-for honesty

honesty-
with each other, with ourselves.
for strength
to be true
to prevent a dishonest situation
to rectify mistakes with honesty.

pray that people may find it easy to
be honest with us-
true to us in
words, motives, and deeds.

pray that we may never
disappoint or betray others
with dishonesty.

pray for each other.
for honesty.
for courage.

about me

IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPEND 24 HOURS WITH YOU, WHAT WOULD THEY DISCOVER ABOUT YOU?

well......
they would know, for sure,

i luuuuuuuuurrrrrrrvvvvvveeeeeeee colours, collage and abhishek.
i write occassionally
i'm shit scared of everything- the dark, insects, anything that crawls.
i'm a phone addict!
i could laugh all day-its so easy to make me laugh uncontrollably.
i also cry equally easily! lol.
i'm verrrrrryyyyyyy ticklish.
my dogs are my no.1 addiction
coffee is my second.
most people who mean something to me, balance me- my impulsiveness, my anger,
overwhelming joy.......
i'm too spontaneous to make any plans

DELHI, in haikus

DELHI IN THE MORNING

from M-75, Ridgewood Apts.

in haiku

THE STINGING CHILL, THE

UNEVEN SKYLINE, ALL SO

UNFAMILIAR.

SO NEW, SO UNIQUE.

A DEEP BREATH- "I'M HERE." I SMILE.

I WAKE TO MUSIC.

IT'S LEISURE, AND IT'S

TRANSITION. THE FREEDOM, TOO,

IS LOVINGLY BOUND.

COMFORT IS REBORN,

INDEPENDENCE IS DORMANT

BUT NOT WITHOUT JOY.

BOMBAY-TO-DELHI:

ONCE AGAIN, "IN TRANSITION",

A NEW CHANCE IS BORN.

Delhi, for me is, the uniquely special transition between college and home... a vaguely familiar place between two lifestyles. a place full of careless joy and irresponsibility- the perfect reckless balance between two places of slight seriousness. a period of no philosophy, no growth, no stress- only friendship and fun and chaos....and, of course, shopping. its the place memories are made of, but not dreams.

from 14th march, 2006.
on board flight to delhi, on the way home.

AH!
TODAY'S FINALLY HERE!
ON BOARD 9W353 TO DELHI...LEAVING THE HEAT, THE STRESSFUL ROOM, THE NOSEY NUNS, THE MONEY SHORTAGE, THE MAGGI DINNERS, THE POINTLESS LAUGHTER...LEAVING A LIFE BEHIND.

IT FEELS GOOD...FOR NOW!
DELHI'S COLD. KATHMANDU'S PEACEFUL AND INVITING. EXAM MARKS DON'T COME OUT TILL APRIL AND THIS TIME THEY'RE EXPECTED TO BE GOOD ANYWAY...THAT'S LIFE!
NOW MY COLD WILL GET BETTER, MY ULCERS WILL HEAL, MY PROJECTS WILL GAIN PACE, MY PRODUCTIVITY WILL GROW...A NEW LIFE WILL BEGIN- FOR JUST THE NEXT 3 MONTHS. AND THEN, ANOTHER NEW LIFE.

ITS FORGIVING, THIS NEW LEASH ON LIFE EVERY FEW MONTHS. IT ALLOWS YOU TO LEAVE BEHIND MISTAKES YOU MADE, TAKING ONLY THE LESSONS THEY TAUGHT; GIVES TO TIME AND CHANCES TO HEAL, AND CONTEMPLATE, TO GROW IN NEW DIRECTIONS- EVERY QUATER OF THE YEAR...AND SOMETIMES EVEN MORE OFTEN!

THESE TIMES OF TRANSITION ARE TIMES OF POSSIBILITY, TIMES OF REGAINING BALANCE, TIMES OF GROWTH SPURTS....AND, SOMETIMES, LIKE GROWING PAINS AT 20!

CHANGES, WE KNOW, ARE ESSENTIAL; AND THIS GENTLE PROCESS OF SUBTLE CHANCES IN LIFE AND LIFESTYLE EVERY FEW MONTHS KINDLES A SPIRIT THAT GROWS TO LOVE CHANGES, TO VIEW THEM AS SYMBOLS OF HOPE AND GROWTH, TO ALWAYS KNOW THAT CHANCE MEANS SOMETHING BETTER, SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

AND SO, WE PICK UP OUR LIVES ANEW EVERY FEW MONTHS OR SO..MONTH AFTER MONTH AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR; AND WE GROW TO LOVE THAT FEELING OF LIBERATION, AND ITS EVER FORGIVING, EVER ENRICHING CYCLE OF GROWTH FOLLOWED BY CHANGE FOLLOWED BY REGENERATION FOLLOWED BY GROWTH...

AND SOMEWHERE IN THIS PROCESS, WE FIND OUR LOVES, OUR LESSONS, OUR STORIES.

MUMBAI 2006.

AN ODE TO ILLNESS

am in bed with fever, "etc" so, i think its appropriate that i write:

AN ODE TO ILLNESS


IF IT WERE NOT FOR YOU,

SICKNESS,

SYMPATHETIC GAZES

BACK RUBS

TENDER REMINDERS

FREQUENT TOUCHES

FORGIVENESS

FUSS TOLERANCE

WISH FULFILLMENT

HOT CHICKEN SOUP

CHOICE OF BED SIDES

WOULD NEVER BE OURS.

WE WOULD BE

ORDINARY

TAKEN FOR GRANTED

LOOKED THROUGH

ATTENTION CRAVING

OFTEN SHUT UP

HEALTHY

INDIVIDUALS

DYING FOR TLC.

YOU, WITH YOUR

RUNNY NOSES

ACHING BACKS

AND ROUGH COUGHS

BRING TO OUR LIVES

THE JOY OF

ATTENTION.

this always reminds me of school... walking in the TC's after dinner..sleeping through summer afternoons....

GRATITUDE- on achievement

for all the things gone well,

for expectations fulfilled,

for hard work rewarded,

and

for lessons learnt from the things that didn't go as we wanted.

thank you

for the warmth of those who supported us

and made our achievement sweeter;

for abhishek

so we can share dreams, expectations, and achievements.

thank you.

:p

me by mom

more of me

...this is in the days when my favourite pair of specs was still intact...before hershini sat on them and broke them lol.

one of the first trips to pune...plenty of time spent just drinking, playing the guitar, singing and laughing at nothing in particular.
very memorable.

amit...vivek....kaustubh...kartik.

this was the time when amit was still staying at model coloney.

shoes

very few things in life are as immensely satisfying as a great pair of shoes.

these are my new favourite :)

just me

writing off the book.....its magical, almost, some of the writing in this volume....very well phrased.

tell your stories

doodles

a day...the 20th

well...what can i say!?
the last pups went away yesterday.
daddy left yesterday.
nihal left today.
phone's not working so scotchie is also 'away' today.
..............

I LOST MY KEYS,in haiku

I LOST MY KEYS.
hummingbird in my
head. nagging. pecking. drilling.
where the hell are they?

THE BLACKLIST, in haiku

the length of small print.
three number identity.
excitement. hope. shock.

THIS IS HATE, in haiku

THIS IS HATE
bitter, seething rage.
anger in your eyes, hands, mouth.
thick. dark. smothering.

happily ever after

A POSTCARD I RECEIVED THIS AFTERNOON

ASMI

"what we must remember above all in the education of our children is that their love of life should never weaken."
-natalia ginzburg

DOODLES

APRIL DOODLES

NICK

NICK AT HIS MOST NORMAL!

nick at a rally.

I am only as strong as
the coffee i drink,
the hairspray i use,
and the friends i have.
to the cool women who have touched my life. here's to you.

-on national girlfriends day.

TO WELHAM

A STONE'S THROW FROM JERUSALEM,
I WALKED A LONELY MILE IN THE MOONLIGHT.
AND THOUGH A MILLION STARS WERE SHINING,
MY HEART WAS LOST ON A DISTANT PLANET THAT
WHIRLS AROUND THE APRIL MOON,
WHIRLING IN AN ARC OF SADNESS.
I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU.
...BUT EVERY STEP I THOUGHT OF YOU,
EVERY FOOTSTEP ONLY YOU.
I'M MAD ABOUT YOU.
-STING.

HERE'S TO FRIENDS.
FRIENDS WHO CALL YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING AND LAST THING AT NIGHT.
FRIENDS WHO LISTEN BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND JUST WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
FRIENDS YOU CAN RELY ON FOR LOVE, CONCERN, SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT.
FRIENDS WHO TALK YOU ON LONG COLD DRIVES AND OFFER YOU THEIR SWEATSHIRT.
FRIENDS WHO WALK YOU THROUGH DARK BATHROOMS AND GARDENS TO SHOW YOU THERE'S NOBODY ELSE IN THERE.
FRIENDS WHO RESPOND TO THE TENSION IN YOUR VOICE IMMEDIATELY.
FRIENDS WHO CRITICISE AND COMPLIMENT YOU HONESTLY-AND THE LATTER MORE THAN THE FORMER.
FRIENDS WHO TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU,
FRIENDS WHO WORRY FOR YOU,
FRIENDS WHO WAIT FOR YOU,
FRIENDS FULL OF LAUGHTER AND COMFORT.
FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOUR IDIOSYNCRASIES AND CHERISH YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
FRIENDS WHO ARE ALWAYS SUCH AN EGO- BOOST.
FRIENDS WHO IN JUST A FEW DAYS MAKE YOUR WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
HERE'S TO FRIENDS YOU BUG WHEN THEY'RE AROUND, AND MISS WHEN THEY'RE GONE.
FRIENDS WHO EXPLORE AND GET INTO TROUBLE AND LEARN WITH YOU.
HERE'S TO LONG, COLD DRIVES, COLD COFFE AND SINGING ALOUD.
HERE'S TO BAD JOKES
-AND TO FRIENDS WHO NEVER GET THEM.
HERE'S TO COMPANIONSHIP, LOYALTY AND INTIMACY.
HERE'S TO THE BALANCE OF A GOOD FRIEND.
TO FRIENDS
-WITH LOVE.

every moment in our lives....

travel.
leap.learn.breathe.
watch.try.write.risk.hope.move.
explore.record.discover.laugh.experience.
trust.


" at every moment in our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss."
-paulo coelho, eleven minutes

a lovely black and white photo pf hershini. this is at the peddar road crossing, on the way back from crossword. i love the little details of the back of the cab and the scooter.

home

this is the gorgeous place i call home.

home, they say, is not a place. it is 'known and loved' richard bach says. to me, home is in certainty and an independent kind of dependence.

loss

"...AND AFTER EVERYTHING PASSES- GRIEF, SHOCK, ANGER, BITTERNESS-THIS REMAINS: THAT LIFE IS WORTH LIVING."
(shashi deshpande, the binding vine)
HERE'S TO ALL THE PEOPLE WE'VE LOST:
PEOPLE WE LOVED...LOVE.
PEOPLE WE COULDN'T IMAGINE DOING WITHOUT.
PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT FOR SOMETHING THEY BELIEVED.
PEOPLE FULL OF FAITH AND SPIRIT AND STRENGTH.
AND HERE'S TO US:
US WHO FIND IT IN OURSELVES TO GO ON WITHOUT THEM.

stranded and bored

this is when savera and i were stuck at the delhi airport for 12 hours. we just took pictures of each other for entertainment and lived on bad coffee until our guys arrived for company at the end of 11 hours to take the next flight! a long, long day!!!!
p.s. -this picture is the first of 12 other horrible photographs!!!! lol.

symbol of doom

that's the symbol of doom.

symbolically, its the angel calling out the last trumpet call, calling the last of people bound to heaven.

i like the symbol for its potential.

different things are 'doom' for different people. different people symbolise chances to 'heaven' for each of us. ...much potential for contmplation here!

that i would be good

i think when we are younger, we have a great deal more courage. we are free to think and feel and react the way the comes to us most naturally. we are 'allowed' impulsiveness. intense joy. intense grief. an unbearable sense of pride and loss...and somewhere along the way to where we are today, we lose touch with that side..we lose a part of us that cherishes joy and achievement, feels and expresses deeply and freely, laughs, dances without wondering who's watching..the part of us that's really free and happy and alive..its worth trying to get back in touch.


"that I would be good even if i did nothing
that I would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that I would be good if i got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when i was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you "
-morrisette

thank you

"thank you India

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you

thank you silence

thank you India

thank you Providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you

thank you silence "

-alanis morrisette

thank you:

trust.

happiness.

chances.

affection.

intimacy.

genuineness.

embrace.

dreams.

date night beauty plan

the key ingredients :
mood
beauty sleep
your guy
positivity
laughter


alanis morrisette: 21 things i want in a lover:

"Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny? la self-deprecating? like adventure?
and have many formed opinions?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover
I'm in no hurry
I could wait forever I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow
Are you uninhibited in bed?
more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative... "

everything comes to us from others...

this is from the time when gori had her first litter and abhishek was here...a period of great learning, intimacy and joy.

EVERYTHING COMES TO US FROM OTHERS. TO BE IS TO BELONG TO SOMEONE.
-JEAN PAUL SARTE.

SECURITY, STRENGTH, TRUST, OPTIMISM, LAUGHTER, HEARTBREAK, COLOUR, FURY...EVERYTHING...EVERYTHING COMES TO US FROM OTHERS.

subtle similarities

maneesh and mohit....
two people
in different kinds of solitude
perceived as so different
from each other
but each
like the other
in
depth of feeling,
varying
only in the
means of expressing.

i think, because two people are siblings we expect them to be either identical or radically different; but often, the balance is somewhere between opposite and identical.

balance

breathe. be still. listen. quieten. go deeper. relax. posture. slow. feel. breathe. let go. breathe. open up. peace. visualise. breathe. joy. insight. balance. breathe.

...to strike a perfect balance...
..steady the fragile strings that hold our moving bodies in graceful stillness...
...to be completely still and unmoving....
all this,
on the outside and the inside.

prayer

this is a mixed media page. its layered. a wash of paint. the eye- from another bit of paper. a second wash of paint. a layer of writing. and finally, the symbol for blessing in green.

" i pray for peace.humility.courage.joy.hope.spirit.adventure.trust.love.
i pray."

a million little peices...that's the book by james frey. its brilliant...and absolutely heartbreaking!
it opens with a story:

the old man came to the young man seeking counel.
i broke something, old man.
how badly is it broken?
its in a million little peices.
i'm afraid i can't help you.
why?
there's nothing you can do.
why?
it can't be fixed.
why?
because its in a million little peices.

its an account of the life of a cocaine addict and the way his life and that of all the others at the rehabilitation centre touch briefly and collapse. it breaks your heart because you know its true.
a must read.

p.s. that's how the cover of the book is...white with a little sprinkle of colour.

this is not mine

here's to all the nice guys i know....
thank you for your patience,
your love,
your bad jokes,
the long drives home.
thank you.


Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. Many would love to date a nice guy, in theory, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things like “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. But the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

on borders

this is a page on borders....maps and borders always fascinate me and sprak my muse to no limit!

...borders, in essence, are imaginary lines we draw between people and nations to symbolise distance. 'symbolise' meaning there is not real distance. we are free to extend our lines of distance further to include more people in our boundaries....
2nd march 2006

symbols

images have the power to elicit some fantastic lines....

this is "nkyinkyim", the african symbol of dynamism, initiative, versatality, toughness, adaptability, devotion to service, and resolutions.

unlike eastern symbols,african symbols are not complex. no intricate weaving. no sweeping curves. these are mostly straight lines and circles in combination. their beauty is in the simplicity and rawness of their earthy, profound symbols.


symbols are so important to us. Every image, every word affects us not only being what it is, but also by how we, in the light of our perceptions, view it.

..written on a altered lingerie model:
there is a joy in unexpectedness that cannot be achieved by colour coded lingerie, bags to match, and a grim, camera-ready set of lips.

afterthought: although, i do think there is a huge joy in the matching bag and sexy lingerie, too :)

talk to the hand

the handprint is the new footprint-bursting with endless meaning.

the hand says:
don't talk, just kiss.
it says
you're not alone.
the hand says
thank you.
it says
stand by me.
it sometimes says
save me.
it says
please forgive me.
it folds paper roses.
it prays.
it says
i'll never let you go.
it says
i'm here.
we can work it out.

28th Feb 2006....i was listening to my i-pod at the time i did this page and that's why all the words are song titles.